It is another evening. Nobody has cared to light up the house- because there is no one inside. Thick layer of dust lies on the stair handles. The winds carry words like whispers. I have passed this house for many a times. No one lived there I thought.
Then on some other days I see visitors coming out of the door. Why so messy then! The first question that pops in my head. Sometimes I find myself stare at the door and wonder how beautiful it might look if the glass windows wouldn’t be covered in dust, if the trees in the garden would be alive! But it’s not my house. I leave!
Yet on the next day I find myself in front of that gloomy door again- staring at the window- trying to picture the happy life inside. Because I have heard the neighbours say- “there lives a really happy couple”!
I have clouds all over my face- as if it is always raining inside. The weather gets worse. It’s freezing outside but I don’t try to get in. It’s not mine, it’s not mine!
On some other day, the door opens while I am standing on the staircase. I slowly walk inside. Let’s have a look around, I say to myself. I won’t stay, I won’t stay!
I don’t find them there. The house lies empty with all its windows open. I walk through all the corridors. The paintings lie hanging everywhere. Portraits, photos of celebration- I stare at them. How bright, how full of life- yet covered in dust. There used to be happiness once, I think.
I walk around for a while.There rests a cup of tea on the table as if inviting me to get comfortable. I sit on the couch and take a sip or two. It tastes different. The air is heavy here. It smells different- of guava and roses and loneliness!
So deserted yet so overwhelming- the burden of all these memories. I find myself lying beneath them. Oh they choke me, they choke me! I feel suffocated. The feeling of nausea reaches my throat all of a sudden. My eyes try to console me by reaching for the face. But there is no tear, not a single drop! I wonder why can’t I cry!
I sit and sit there trying to find the strength to get up. I must leave, I must leave! But there is no way out. The doors are open and the windows are open but I can’t get out. There is no one to stop me. There is only emptiness everywhere. Yet I can’t get out. I can’t get out, because haven’t you understood? I have made my home here- unknowingly! I have been living here- haunted, deserted and lonely.