Oh I Dont think about her

30, that’s the number of times I thought
about her while looking at you.
40, that’s the number of times my mouth
almost whispered her name instead of yours.
50, that’s the number of times I wished
you were her.

tragedy does not wear the colour of
black now it’s the brown of your eyes.
I wonder if you see the trainwreck
that we are,
waiting for that inevitable end,
that crash that will kill everything.

love was not supposed to be this.
how do you call it love when the
pieces of my heart are tethered
to her memories
and all I give you are the empty
parts that even I don’t need.

31, I again thought about her.
41, I almost said her name.
51, I wished you were her.

I wonder if you see the deception I have
become, the lies I say with ease and
the truths I hide.
I wonder if you see my love for her in
my eyes.
I wonder if you see that my poetry
is lamenting for her loss.
I wonder if you see that I don’t love
you as much as you love me.
I wonder if you know that this love is
nothing but a lost battle.

32, I’m thinking about her
42, I’m about to say her name.
52, I wish you were her.

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