Under the shower, I scrub the sponge against my skin, a little too hard.I don’t want his trace, his smell. I don’t want to do anything with him.I’m not guilty, I should be, but I feel wildly free.I didn’t do anything wrong.
We both had good chemistry, we both are adults. We were not misguided. We both could have stopped it from happening, but we didn’t.
Should I tell my husband? No, he wouldn’t understand. I’ll just make him a nice dinner and it’ll be okay. He and I will be okay..
“This is extra nice.” He kisses me on the lips.
“I just wanted to do something nice for my man.”.
“That’s sweet. Thank you.”
He takes his seat on the dining table.The candles illuminate the table. I bring out the half-empty wine bottle..
“I started drinking without you,” I speak casually.
“So, what is it?”.I shift in my seat.
“Well, we’ve been distant for a while now.”.He nods very slowly, trying to believe me.
“Tell me about your day.”
“I was at home all day,” I reply quickly.
“Being honest?” He turns to look at me..
“Yes.” I meet his eyes.He stays quiet, being patient, hoping I would confess.I fill his glass with wine..
He sighs. “Who were you drinking with?”.
“I was alone, I told you.”.
“Don’t lie. I’m okay with you and I being distant, but I can’t tolerate you lying to me.” – He knows.
“A friend! ,” he says condescendingly.
Ignoring the tone, I say, “We’re going to be okay.” I hold his hand..
“You think so?”.
“What do you mean?”
“Did you do it?”.I fiddle with my fingers, my head stooping low with shame.. “You are a good woman but you’re a bad liar and that’s what’s makes you a terrible person. Don’t commit sins if you cannot hide them.”
“I… I… I am… s-sorry.” I choke on my words..
“Do you know how I know? You were extra nice to me. You tried to cover your guilt with love.”
“It’s not a sin to love another man,” I say defensively.
“No, it’s only a sin when the other one finds out. We were doing okay because you never found out about my affairs, but now, we can’t be okay.”