It hurt. Looking at her hurt.
There is a pretty moon up in the sky that is aloof and it looks down at all of us. I sometimes wonder if she and I are staring at it together.
I looked everywhere, in every crowd, despite I was not certain of what I waslooking for. I searched in the empty hearts and the merry smiles but when I found what I was looking for, it was too simple to understand.
In that precise moment, I lived a lifetime. It happened too quickly, but I know I was in a trance. Nothing inched and nobody moved. Love was still. And her amber eyes, just before she blinked and turned away, that was when I learned everything about love. In that blink, I knew my past and where I will be in near future.
It hurt. Thinking about her hurt.
Have you ever explored Chaos inside your mind? If yes, how did it go? Was it a dream-like romance? The way writers put in their words. Romanticizing the sadness. Or was it simply a suffering?
We experience love every day, but never the same kind ever again.
But what disheartens me is that she made me think that it was us against the world, although on the contrast, it was just me against myself.
It hurt. Talking to her hurt.
I have spoken to her quite a few times and it was pleasant, in the beginning. But with time, as we grew monotonous, and when she said: “I am very much certain that I don’t feel for you”, I understood my confessions will always have to be pressed between my lips, although I want them to echo between the space we had. I only spoke what she wanted to hear.
It hurt. Being with her hurt.
I snatch a glimpse or two when we spend time together. But all I see is how happy she is doing without me and what a dear friend of hers I am with whom she can confide all her secrets, the new loves, and the old loves. Being beside her, listening to her stories, hurt.
It hurt. Trying to forget her hurt.
There is a battle that goes on inside me that wants me to get over her and leave everything behind. But then, she is the only person I know who affects me. I don’t know where I am heading, but I suppose it is leading to wherever it needs to and I will be there when I have to. When does the pain stop?
I am betraying myself too much.